The day was quiet enough in real life anyway, football wise there was plenty of drama and funnily enough yesterday’s title could be used today as well. Both of today’s games was decided by just the one goal and in both it was a late goal. Equally both games were partially decided by a referee’s decision. It’s a reminder in a way that no matter what you do sometimes things are taken out of your hands and it’s not always fair, Mainz being denied their goal certainly wasn’t. As for Schalke you just have to feel sorry for them, even if you’re not particularly fond of them like I am. Last week they had a penalty awarded against them which was nothing of the sort and this week they have a man sent off after just four minutes in what probably was a mistake. It must feel like the universe is against them right now, a feeling I know well. And with that in mind I can’t work out why I made the decisions I made yesterday. I find it difficult to deal with last minute changes when other people impose them upon me, especially when they involve talking to another person. So why would I choose to inflict such a thing upon myself? Was I trying to prove something? Or perhaps I can just write off my poor decision making as being the result of distraction and sleep deprivation. Either way I shouldn’t have done it and not just because of the social element of it. A far bigger issue was having someone in my personal space. A whole day later and it’s still bothering me. I have a feeling it’s going to for a while.
In a way I can’t really explain my room doesn’t feel quite right anymore, it feels like it’s been violated somehow. I used to laugh at Sheldon in The Big Bang Theory when he freaked out about other people being in his room, not anymore. Not only have I never had a social type acquaintance in the house before but not in my room either. It’s not something I’ll be doing again in a hurry. Matter of fact I’m not that crazy about spending time in someone else’s house either. It’s just too awkward, too many unknowns and too much uncertainty. I’m probably being an idiot about it but I feel kind of disappointed in myself. As if I should be able to deal with stuff like this. I’m not a child anymore so why should it be so difficult? Things are meant to get easier as you get older, that’s what people always tell you anyway. But certain things just seem to get worse. I mean I’m an adult and I still can’t handle Christmas. Last year we tried out the concept of surprise presents, we’re not doing the same this year, just three gifts I already know about in advance. I couldn’t deal with the uncertainty of surprise presents right now and I definitely don’t need something else to obsess over.
Two days ago I thought having friends was a good thing, regardless of how difficult it can sometimes be. Now I’m back to thinking maybe it’s too much and I’m never going to get this right. This how it’s always going to be, going back and forth between two extremes and never quite finding any sense of balance. And this too is one of the issues I have to explain to someone else. How can I explain it so that it makes sense to them when it doesn’t even make sense to me? A few days before and now I’m starting to get seriously worried about it, worried enough to feel sick about it. My attempts to be positive didn’t last long. Now all I can think is once it’s over there will be one more person on this earth who knows what a helpless pathetic human being I am. It feels like someone judging you, as if they’re deeming your life not worthy of living. I feel that way about myself sometimes already. I find myself asking if this is really living or it’s just an existence, one which isn’t particularly meaningful. Sooner or later I’m going to run out of distractions which is all my special interests and obsessions are. Distractions from the fact I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t really care. I have a room full of collectibles and for what? Each new collection I spend money I shouldn’t on stuff I don’t really need, and it changes nothing. I’m just as confused and lonely as before I obtained whatever my latest acquisition is. Yet I keep doing it because I don’t know what else to do. Or rather I know exactly what needs to be done, I’m just too cowardly to do it. Until then I guess I just keep on doing what I’m doing.
Speaking of acquisitions in today’s calendar was Matze’s little Erik. Obviously they aren’t a couple in real life, let alone in a three-way relationship with Julian Draxler but that’s how I’ll always see them. You can’t unread something like that once you’ve read it. Now in my mind Erik will always belong to Matze. And in Freiburg’s calendar was everybody’s favourite Albanian Amir Abrashi:
Posted in Autism, Fußball, Germany, Matthias Ginter, SC Freiburg
Tagged Amir Abrashi, Autism/Asperger's Syndrome, Borussia Dortmund, Depression, Erik Durm, Matthias Ginter, SC Freiburg
I’ve kept putting off writing anything lately, I just haven’t really felt like it. I couldn’t miss putting a post together for last night’s game however, it’s not every night you get to see Nils Petersen in a German shirt. Germany needed everything to go right last night, beating Fiji was never in doubt but they had to do that and score a boatload of goals in the process. As it turns out they did that and the result of the other game went their way too with Mexico losing 1-0 to South Korea. It was a very fitting location for the game that’s for sure, the Belo Horizonte stadium having played host to another high scoring game two summers ago, Germany’s historic 7-1 destroying of Brazil on their way to the World Cup final. There was one person in the squad for whom the Belo Horizonte will be very familiar territory indeed, the person in question having been a part of the German squad on that day. Though of course Matthias Ginter didn’t play in that game or any of Germany’s World Cup games in fact, he didn’t play tonight either. So I’ve only got the one picture of him, and it’ll be separate from all of Petersen’s pictures. This is Nils’ day and his alone, hence why Matze’s name isn’t in the title either. He’ll get more chances to play for Germany but Nils most likely won’t, so he should at least get the title to himself.
Germany needed to score a lot of goals and they did just that with Nils Petersen getting five of them. It would have been just that little bit more perfect had last night been his first game in a German shirt. Becuase on his Freiburg debut he got a hattrick against Eintracht Frankfurt. And on his official Freiburg debut (because he was on loan the previous season from Bremen) against 1.FC Nürnberg he also got a hattrick and scored a penalty, actually he scored three goals in about five minutes. To get back to tonight all of them were fairly typical Petersen goals, he’s not particularly overcomplicated when it comes to scoring. He’s pretty simple really, you need a goal and he gets it. That’s to say that none of them were impressive though, the fifth one in particular I liked, the looping head over the keeper. I’d be hard pressed to pick a favourite but I’d probably pick that one.
They should have let him take the first penalty, he’s an excellent penalty taker and hardly ever misses. I think I remember him missing one last year, but he’s usually pretty reliable on that count. It doesn’t matter, he scored the second. It’s been a difficult week but seeing Petersen score all those goals has certainly put me in a better mood. I know what people will say, it’s only Fiji, it’s not the A team and it’s not the same standard as the other international tournaments but I don’t care. I got to see Nils Petersen wearing the German shirt and scoring goals, something I didn’t think I’d ever get to see. It makes it even more perfect that I chose his name to be printed on the back of my Freiburg away shirt, because it’s white just like the German one. On the subject of perfection there is one final fact I have to mention. In the crowd at the game was a boy wearing a German shirt who had a sign saying “1-7 – one more time.” I found that funny and even more so now, he got his wish. But tonight was better for three reasons, Nils Petersen was there, they scored three more goals and even better they conceded none.
This is a picture I won’t get sick of for a while:
Nils Petersen – five goals – Germany v Fiji (Olympics 2016)
Posted in Fußball, Germany, Matthias Ginter, Nils Petersen, Olympics 2016, SC Freiburg
Tagged Belo Horizonte, Brazil-Germany, Germany, Matthias Ginter, Nils Petersen, Olympics 2016, SC Freiburg