Yesterday was slow and today was even slower, of all the games I expected to be dull Bayern’s was not one of them. The afternoon can be summed up perfectly by what Neuer said in his post-match interview, “in the first half that wasn’t FC Bayern.” No it was most definitely not, the goal was fantastic but not enough to salvage the afternoon. They got the three points but it’s not the only thing which counts, it should not have gone that way. Neuer for one thing had more to do than I expected. Douglas Costa’s goal was good enough to make a GIF of it anyway:
As well as being disappointed by Bayern’s game I was most displeased to see Ingolstadt beating Leverkusen 2-1, the reason being that’s who Freiburg face on Wednesday. The last thing I want is them ruining Freiburg’s fairly decent end to the year, if they win or least draw then it’ll be four without a loss. Just by writing that I’m probably cursing it but then I can add that to the list of stupid things I’ve done today. Getting into a good enough mood to write something isn’t an easy task right now, I should have left well alone. I should have just carried on with what I was doing and not allowed anything to distract me. But no, I had to check. I haven’t been able to do anything about this particular problem the other times, why I thought this time would be any different I don’t know. I’m lying to myself about the whole thing anyway, no matter what I say fixing this wouldn’t make me happy. If it wasn’t this then it would be something else. That’s how it always is with obsessions, they will always be replaced by something else. It’s exactly the same with each and every one of them. There’s something I either can’t have or is very difficult (and usually expensive) to get. Each time I swear it will make me happy, and it’s the absolute last thing I need. Of course it’s a lie, there is always something after it. Obsessions have an insatiable appetite that way, because the empty space they go someway in filling is always there. That emptiness is never going to go away.
I should have just stuck to the story, it was going fine, better than fine in fact. Though when it came to posting the first part of it I of course spent plenty of time agonising over it. I probably spent more time making up my mind than I actually did checking it over and making a few last minute changes. Which is pretty much typical for me, spend half the day obsessing over a task and then just a few minutes on actually carrying it out. It’s funny that some people associate thinking a lot with being intelligent, in my case thinking a lot makes me stupid, no doubt about that.
As for the story it’s not the one I want to be working on but the Christmas one is proving trickier than I anticipated. I think the idea of it is depressing me a little, partly because I don’t like Christmas all that much but also because I’ll never get to experience what I’m writing about. It’s not the Christmas part I care so much about, it’s the having someone to come home to,someone who cares whether you’re there or not. In other words someone who wants you to be there, not just someone who got stuck with you and is only there because they have to be. And I guess there is one part of the Christmas thing I like too, buying and wrapping gifts for someone. Taking the time to pick out something you know they’ll love and spending an equal amount of time wrapping it up for them, making it perfect. I didn’t have many people to buy for this year and one of the people I did buy for said I shouldn’t have, the reason being I spent more than they did. I wasn’t just being polite or saying what I knew I was meant to when I said I loved buying people books. Nor was I lying when I said I didn’t care their gift wasn’t equal to mine, it’s not about getting something back which made me happy. It’s knowing you’ve bought books for someone that you know they’ll love. I bought gifts for them not in anticipation of something in return but because I couldn’t bear not having someone to give gifts too. As good as that is they are just a friend, and that’s not what the story is about. I’m never going to have my own little Matze to buy gifts for, and first Christmasses are all done and dusted now my brothers are all practically adults. Now I’m just rambling, which is pretty much how every post concludes these days. At least I can recognise that I suppose, just wish I could do the same in a face to face conversation.
Anyhow, the advent calendars. The 18th day served up a very special player indeed, the quick footed and very talented Vincenzo Grifo who netted hs first Bundesliga goal this season against Eintracht Frankfurt and also has five assists.Equally unforgettable is his goal against RB Leipzig last season. He also has the honour of being the subject of two my (non-Jogi related) favourite GIFS. I hope Marc-Oliver Kempf will be back on his feet soon enough so and Grifo and him can dance together again. I miss him and more importantly Freiburg’s defence is definitely missing him.