I could be fighting against a lot of things right now, god knows there’s enough idiots on the internet to contend with and in real life for the matter. Autism stuff, politics, not to mention football related disagreements. There’s plenty I could be getting angry about. But I’m not, the fight I’m thinking about right now is not my fight. Not really since it’s not my team. It’s not my team but I know whose side I’m on, Matze Ginter v Emre Can. Team Ginter all the way.
The fight in question being what I’ve been dreaming of ever since the beginning of this season’s Europa League. Now it’s finally happened, Dortmund being drawn with Liverpool. I’m pretty sure I know how this story ends but it makes it no less exciting. I have a new name for Klopp now, from now on I’m going to call him Prophet Jürgen. Because last night he said of course we don’t want to be drawn with Dortmund, why would we want to be drawn with the strongest team in the competition.
Right now I’m dealing with a different sort of fight, that of trying to stay awake. It’s no doubt a waste of time but I’m trying anyway. It’s not just this task which is pointless but the bigger picture too. I could stay awake now but it’s no guarantee it’ll get all of this straightened out. I keep things straight for a few days and then it goes back to how it was. To sleeping in the day instead of at night. Sometimes I wonder why I’m even bothering, why I keep putting myself through this. Then I remember, the team. Everything else can be let go, it doesn’t matter a whole lot if I don’t go outside so much or if I’m around other people. But missing a game is not an option. I’ve seen every single competitive game this season, both league and cup. I’m not going to screw that up now just because things have gotten a little difficult. I wish it weren’t such a battle but then I wish so many things were easier. I guess you just have to take it one day at a time. And be grateful that I have something to look forward to, that there is something which still motivates me. When you run out of reasons to get out of bed, then you’re in trouble. I’m not quite there yet, I may need to occasionally remind myself I have a reason but that’s all.
It would be all too easy to just sleep as much as possible in order to hide away from reality, like I don’t do that enough already. There’s nothing strange about that, what’s strange is specifically what I’m trying to hide away from. Next week is the international break, the first since the last one which went so badly wrong. I’m not looking forward to it, it doesn’t feel like I can enjoy it in quite the same way. Part of me just wants it to be over already, Which makes no sense, in thinking that way I’m wishing away my favourite part of the whole week, my Jogi videos. It has to feel right again at some point, doesn’t it? Or am I fighting yet another losing battle?