Happy Endings

Happy Endings

Tell us about something you’ve tried to quit. Did you go cold turkey, or for gradual change? Did it stick?

I’ve attempted at some point or another to give up many of my obsessions and special interests, or at least entertained the theory of doing so. A year or two ago I toyed with the idea of not having an obsession at all, of not letting one thing be the center of my universe to the exclusion of everything else. All of it is rather foolish thinking because thinking like that makes it seem like I have any choice in the matter. When truth is there is no choice. It’s just the way I work. Even if I did have a choice it wouldn’t matter, I need them, I need to have a special interest of some kind. I’m not lonely but if I didn’t have a special interest to keep me company then I would be. I need something to focus on.

Last month I was thinking of what would happen if I gave up my current special interest. Not Freiburg, just Jogi and Hansi. I didn’t want to let them go, it’s not because of the time their adventures are taking up. It was because of what happened in November. Since then I’ve realised how wrong that would be. To allow an interest to end unnaturally that way. They have to run their course, to come to their natural end. And so far there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight for them. They are proving to be quite the marathon obsession. Which is good because I don’t want to let them go yet either. I’m not done with their story yet. With Matze’s introduction I have a lot more chapters to write yet.

As for how I attempted to give up previous obsessions, I would always try to go cold turkey. I’m an all or nothing kind of person. That much is obvious. I know all obsessions have to come to an end, I know in this regard there are no happy endings. But I’m making my peace with that. I’m starting to be ok with the fact that things do change, that things don’t last forever. I’m trying my best to not worry about the inevitable end and to just enjoy the fun and madness whilst it lasts.

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