The Day of Improvisation

Phobia, Shmobia

Fears evolve over time. What is one fear you’ve conquered?

When I saw this two days ago I immediately rejected the idea of writing anything for it. I thought it’s stupid, I haven’t conquered any of my fears.  In fact I think my main fear, that is my fear of other people is unconquerable. Naturally I was missing the obvious. If that were true, I wouldn’t be writing this, let alone thinking about it because if I hadn’t gotten over my problem with letting other people read what I’ve written, I wouldn’t be writing this right now.

That was the main reason in my hesitation for having a blog, the trouble I have letting other people read what I’ve written. Obviously that’s not such a problem anymore, I’m close to 700 posts right now. Though for the sake of honesty I have to point out that precisely 77 of those contain nothing but pictures of Jogi, Hansi and now the replacement too, the so called Löw Highlights. In total I think about 100 of those posts are picture posts. But that still means about 500 of them contain text.

But that’s not the main thing I want to write about. A few days ago I was thinking about how strange it is, that for all the time I spent worrying about it and lamenting the fact that Roman and the others were gone, actually it’s all gone fine. I like every one of the new players and Alexander Schowlow is proving to be an able replacement for Roman. I no longer feel guilty about liking him either. Life does go on, things change and eventually you get over it. Which is a strange conclusion for me to come to. Usually for me something changes and it’s the end of the world, especially when it was as unexpected as this all was. One change I won’t be adapting to however is Hansi not being there anymore. There are some things that you just can’t get over or accept, not ever.

In fact thinking about this was good preparation for the events of yesterday as it turned out. A day which could have and almost did go horribly wrong. Improvising and being spontaneous is not me, not at all. I’m organized, I like having a plan and a schedule. Once I decide how something is going to happen, that’s the way it’s going to happen. Unless you do what I did yesterday which was exceptionally stupid, and not like me at all. Being late and having to run to get the train, very like me. But forgetting to pick money on the way out, I’ve never done that before.

Normally in such a situation, I would panic (which I did a little) and freeze up. I probably would have ended up going home, without even considering the other options. But I didn’t, after initially panicking, I got myself together and figured out what I could do. Luckily I did have another option, I may have forgot the money but not my wallet, thus I did at least have my card. I could buy a train ticket at least. And I am very glad I did, not just because The Man from UNCLE was a terrific film, but because the day ended with Bavarian Currywurst and my very first real German beer. If I had gone home I would have seen Dortmund’s Europa League match, but I think Currywurst, German beer and getting to share my new Jogi videos beat Europa League action any time. Besides it was the wrong Roman in goal anyway so it doesn’t matter so much.

I can’t say I’ve conquered this particular fear, not by a long shot. It’s more of a work in progress, you win one game, there’s another one the next weekend that needs to be won too. The work is never ending, but it’s progress. Progress I never thought I’d make. I can be pleased about this, though my friend’s suggestion is a step too far I think. Dealing with an unexpected change once in a while, that’s a good thing to be able to do. But the idea that I would spontaneously decide to visit someone just because I happen to be nearby, madness. As Lt. Raine would say, “that’s not very Germanic of them.”

Indeed it is a most un-Germanic idea, not cool at all. Being spontaneous because circumstances force you to be, fine, I can learn to live with that. But by choice, no thank you. I’ll stick to my carefully organized pre-planned schedules. There’s no need to go looking for trouble.

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